Maybe what I should do is to just return to my "life strategy" before the lid blew on my trans repression, which was to simply dissociate and distract until I eventually die.
Instead of being so obsessed with how transition is going, I mean.
I mean I'll still be doing all the things I've planned to do for transition, but it feels like it's going so slow, and my time is running out so fast, that I can barely handle it.
Should my body eventually change just enough to make girlmoding viable, then I'll do it, but if not I don't wanna depend so much on having that luck.
(THAT WAS ME DEPLOYING A COPE ULT TBH I WISH I COULD JUST FREELY MOULD MY BODY AND MIND TO MY HEART'S CONTENT, WHY WAS I BORN LIKE THIS)